LIFESTYLE 101

Sex-positivity generally refers to having a positive attitude about sex, respecting others’ sexual preferences and consensual sexual practices, and treating sex as a normal, healthy part of life, rather than a taboo topic or something to be ashamed of.
Above all else, sex positivity values consent, communication, education that allows people to make informed choices about their bodies, and pleasure.

Swinging is the act of a couple swapping partners with another couple in a sexual manner. "The Lifestyle" is a current term that refers to people who swing, and have historically been labelled as "Swingers." So there are several designations that essentially mean the same thing: Swinger, Swing Lifestyle, being "In the Lifestyle." Thus, people with a sex-positive mindset can be a great match for swing lifestyle experiences. People who are sex-positive, are not necessarily swingers, but the common values create natural alliances whether or not swinging is part of the equation. 
 

Vanilla is a simple term used within the Lifestyle Community to refer to people, beliefs, and practices that are NOT lifestyle based. Thus, it is a designation that separates conventional, traditional sex-negative (vanilla) practices from the sex-positive practices and mindset of people in the Lifestyle community. 

Given the power of behavior conditioning during a lifetime, it is common for people in the Lifestyle community to carry over vanilla beliefs and practices. Thus, we see that most Lifestylers still have vanilla behaviors as they evolve in their non-vanilla journey. 

In contrast to traditional monogamy which requires people to limit their sex partner to the 1 person they are married to, ENM is a thoughtful alternative. The idea is that some people live their best life when they can enjoy multiple positive sexual partners. Ethical is the key element. It means that there is no deception. Each person is honest and transparent about having more than one partner. In fact, the marriage partner supports their husband/wife in the non-monogamy. They often encourage each other, and share the same space, or have 3somes, 4somes, etc. So it is a big part of Open relationships, of the Swing lifestyle, of polyamory, etc. People are set free from guilt and shame because the deception is gone, and the various adventures are ethical.

A soft swap is a form of swinging in which penetration (generally referring to penis-in-vagina sex) does not occur. Soft swapping can encompass a wide range of activities, from kissing, to fondling to oral sex with one or more people outside the couple. Simply put, soft swapping means that there is no actual penetration with outside people. Once penetration comes into play, with anyone other than your partner, it’s considered a “full swap”. People who identify with the swing lifestyle community, frequently introduce themselves in terms of what kind of swapping they do in order to make the most compatible connections.

Decisions related to names are obviously personal and unique to each individual. Many factors influence this decision including the discretion level wanted. While most people introduce themselves with their actual first name, some people use alternative first names to help protect their identity. Profile names are used as an additional reference point, especially important for social networking on lifestyle websites. We recommend creating a profile name that is unique and memorable. When meeting someone new at a party, a memorable profile name is very practical. It can assist new friends to remember how to reconnect with you on the website. In contrast, generic profile names or names that look like obscure passwords, are nearly impossible to remember and lack the social networking power of a good profile name. 

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GnG have always actively promoted safety in all forms with an emphasis on touching boundaries. Consent practices are rapidly evolving in the LS community. Unfortunately, in the past, explicit positive consent was not expected by many people in the swinger community. That was yesterday, and experienced swingers must take note: the basic rules of engagement have changed. Today, with all the shifts in our society, including all the well documented developments related to  #metoo generation, we are expected to acquire positive consent before touching others.  Many people who successfully engage at Lifestyle parties, do not want to be touched by anyone other than a select few. It’s no longer just sexy to have consent, it is required.

There are moments when we attend a lifestyle event, and suddenly feel surprised to cross paths with someone from our vanilla life. These situations tend to be rare, but they definitely occur, and the interactions can feel uncomfortable, or even alarming. There is a well established value within the LS community that we never expose someone's identity to the vanilla world. So most people understand that it would be a major violation to "out" someone else. Some people also find comfort in the concept of "mutually assured destruction"... the idea that there is some identity safety based on all parties wanting their own discretion protected. Unfortunately, there is no 100% safe strategy related to this concern. There are certainly people who have elevated discretion needs based on their career and family situation. So everyone can help with this issue, by simply maintaining the old Vegas motto "what happens in the lifestyle, stays in the lifestyle.